Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Embarrassing Moments in My Adult Life, Part 1

You should always rehearse what you want to say when you're given the chance to meet a childhood idol -- in my case, "Weird Al" Yankovic. I'd gone to a show on his "Alpocalypse" tour and, acting on a tip from some other longtime fans, we hung around his tour bus afterwards and waited patiently for him to come out for a meet-and-greet, as he often does.

The long version of what I wanted to say to him: 

"Hi, Al. It's really nice to meet you. I grew up with your music; I had "Eat It" on cassette tape when I was about 5, and I think I tortured my parents by playing it over and over and over. Your records really influenced my sense of comedy. I even wrote my own parody songs when I was in elementary school. They were pretty terrible, but you inspired me, and I want to thank you. I hope that doesn't sound too corny. And as an adult, your music has helped me through some really tough times. A few years ago I was nearly mauled to death by two dogs. I had to have surgery, and I had a really long recovery and a lot of emotional trauma and depression afterwards. I was virtually bedridden for a while, but I had a computer and a TV, and I watched all your videos and listened to your music while I was recovering. It really helped me overcome my depression, and I want to thank you for sharing your humor and your music with the world."

Now, that's really clunky to say out loud, it's more of a fan letter. But it's far superior to what I actually said, which was: 

"Uhhh....Hi!...[nervous giggle]...You're so awesome!, would you...mind signing my notebook? [nervous giggle] Thank you!...And, um, could I get a picture with you?...Oh, thank you! You're so awesome! Thanks! Um, okay...bye!"

Of course I ended up looking like an androgynous rubber-faced alien in my one photo with him.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid Krista.

The next time I get a chance to meet Al, I swear I will act like a mature 30-year-old woman instead of a starstruck kid. Sorry, Al.