Thursday, December 19, 2013

"I Don't Need Viagra With This One": The Mail-Order Bride

I don't intentionally eavesdrop. But a while back, I overheard a conversation that was so morally repulsive it made me physically sick. 

As I waited in the lobby of a customer service center for my number to be called, I overheard a conversation taking place behind me. It started off innocuously enough: an older man encountered a female friend of his whom he hadn't seen in a while. They said hi and made small talk, and then she asked about the new lady in his life, who happened to be sitting beside him.

"Oh, yes, we're happy. We're so happy," he remarked. I tuned them out, but then his voice got louder.

"I don't need Viagra with this one! She's a keeper."

Really? Ew, dude. Turn the volume down. I don't want to hear this. 

"I'm 61 years old, and this is the best thing that's ever happened to me!"

His voice was so loud that it dominated the small room. He talked about the woman beside him as if she wasn't even there. Eventually I couldn't believe the snippets of conversation I was hearing from him:

"...Oh, yeah, I've been all over Mexico, Brazil, Ecuador...but Colombian women are the best...You're the rich American. Here, you give someone a tip of $1.50, they look at you like you're crazy. Down there, they eat it up. I send all my friends down there. I hardly speak any Spanish, but it doesn't matter...I know people, I help hook them up. American men are like gold down there...I've got two friends in their 60's, they both had heart attacks being with 18-year-olds. But I can handle it."

His female friend asked: "So, how did you meet her?"

He said: "The first one I got from a bridal site. But her I got from They set you up. They do all the work for you. You don’t even have to speak Spanish. She makes my coffee for me every morning. It’s great."

Throughout this whole exchange, the Colombian bride simply sat there and said nothing.

When I walked out of the building, I was actually shaking with an emotion I couldn't even define.